When lockdown began back in March I would not have guessed that by the time October hit not much would have changed. Yes lockdown measures have eased, however certain areas are under local restrictions and I have a feeling that where I live will be next. Im still confused as to how I can go to the pub and be around strangers but can’t go to my own parents house.
Just before the pandemic hit I was going through a very hard time mentally, I had just left my retail job, which thank god I did because there is no way I could have coped with people arguing over toilet roll, and having to scan peoples panic bought frozen food. I was in a place of trying to figure out what I wanted next and my boyfriend and I sat down and wrote a list of steps I needed to take next to get myself back into a good mind space. I had planned to go home and visit my family, be reunited with my uni friends, look for a new job, get back into ice skating, do some volunteer work and then the lockdown news broke and all my plans had been ruined. I know the places my mind can go to when I isolate myself from people by choice but to have the choice taken away from me scared me. I decided that I needed to make a new list of plans that I could do from the house.
I wrote myself a full daily routine, with meal plans and tasks for me to do throughout the day including listing all my old items on Ebay (something I have needed to do for months), start painting our new house, look for new jobs, start my blog from scratch, baking and basically anything to keep my mind occupied. For the first few weeks I stuck to this routine very well, felt upbeat and positive and my mental health started to improve The second month into lockdown myself and my boyfriend had to self isolate as I had a few symptoms and I noticed that having him in the house (he is a key worker) made me become lazy. Instead of going downstairs to tidy the kitchen I’d snooze the alarm and go back to sleep and then when we both woke up we’d sit and binge watch Netflix series. I don’t regret having the lazy days but it did make me feel unproductive and guilty for not being proactive which then made my moods dip.
I did manage to pick myself up again and I looked at how different I felt from the start of the year. My mental health had improved drastically which sounds weird as I know a lot of people have really struggled but for some reason my mind has felt quite peaceful. I was given the time to sit down and actually decide what I want out of life when lockdown is lifted and the coronavirus is (HOPEFULLY) a thing of the past. I have been able to put things into place to make sure I can achieve those goals. I have had time to tick my to do list of and to focus on getting this blog back up and running something which I am really passionate about.
I recently met up with a friend and she told me how much of a difference she could see in me from the start of the year to now and how I seemed much more content with everything. She is right… Yes lockdown has been really difficult, I have missed my family and friends ridiculous amounts but I am also trying to see the positive in how much I have worked to pick myself up from where I was at the start of the year. I have a new job which I am really happy in, my family and friends are healthy and safe and I have so much to be grateful for.